AN APOLOGY FROM THE PM

A while back I used twitter and facebook to draw your attention to an online petition to address the matter of the treatment of Alan Turing after the war he was instrumental in us winning. I’m grateful to the people who started the petition which was worded thus:

Alan Turing was the greatest computer scientist ever born in Britain. He laid the foundations of computing, helped break the Nazi Enigma code and told us how to tell whether a machine could think.

He was also gay. He was prosecuted for being gay, chemically castrated as a ‘cure’, and took his own life, aged 41.

The British Government should apologize to Alan Turing for his treatment and recognize that his work created much of the world we live in and saved us from Nazi Germany. And an apology would recognize the tragic consequences of prejudice that ended this man’s life and career.

I realise that it was only open to British subjects to sign but still I thought I’d draw your attention to the positive response from the Prime Minister Gordon Brown. The following is his reply to the petition.

Prime Minister: 2009 has been a year of deep reflection – a chance for Britain, as a nation, to commemorate the profound debts we owe to those who came before. A unique combination of anniversaries and events have stirred in us that sense of pride and gratitude which characterise the British experience. Earlier this year I stood with Presidents Sarkozy and Obama to honour the service and the sacrifice of the heroes who stormed the beaches of Normandy 65 years ago. And just last week, we marked the 70 years which have passed since the British government declared its willingness to take up arms against Fascism and declared the outbreak of World War Two. So I am both pleased and proud that, thanks to a coalition of computer scientists, historians and LGBT activists, we have this year a chance to mark and celebrate another contribution to Britain’s fight against the darkness of dictatorship; that of code-breaker Alan Turing.

Turing was a quite brilliant mathematician, most famous for his work on breaking the German Enigma codes. It is no exaggeration to say that, without his outstanding contribution, the history of World War Two could well have been very different. He truly was one of those individuals we can point to whose unique contribution helped to turn the tide of war. The debt of gratitude he is owed makes it all the more horrifying, therefore, that he was treated so inhumanely. In 1952, he was convicted of ‘gross indecency’ – in effect, tried for being gay. His sentence – and he was faced with the miserable choice of this or prison – was chemical castration by a series of injections of female hormones. He took his own life just two years later.

Thousands of people have come together to demand justice for Alan Turing and recognition of the appalling way he was treated. While Turing was dealt with under the law of the time and we can’t put the clock back, his treatment was of course utterly unfair and I am pleased to have the chance to say how deeply sorry I and we all are for what happened to him. Alan and the many thousands of other gay men who were convicted as he was convicted under homophobic laws were treated terribly. Over the years millions more lived in fear of conviction.

I am proud that those days are gone and that in the last 12 years this government has done so much to make life fairer and more equal for our LGBT community. This recognition of Alan’s status as one of Britain’s most famous victims of homophobia is another step towards equality and long overdue.

But even more than that, Alan deserves recognition for his contribution to humankind. For those of us born after 1945, into a Europe which is united, democratic and at peace, it is hard to imagine that our continent was once the theatre of mankind’s darkest hour. It is difficult to believe that in living memory, people could become so consumed by hate – by anti-Semitism, by homophobia, by xenophobia and other murderous prejudices – that the gas chambers and crematoria became a piece of the European landscape as surely as the galleries and universities and concert halls which had marked out the European civilisation for hundreds of years. It is thanks to men and women who were totally committed to fighting fascism, people like Alan Turing, that the horrors of the Holocaust and of total war are part of Europe’s history and not Europe’s present.

So on behalf of the British government, and all those who live freely thanks to Alan’s work I am very proud to say: we’re sorry, you deserved so much better.

Gordon Brown

If you would like to help preserve Alan Turing’s memory for future generations, please donate here: http://www.bletchleypark.org.uk/

This makes me feel better. Much better. You can read it in situ here: http://petitions.number10.gov.uk/turing/

BUSINESS AS USUAL

It’s the nature of Government, all governments, that the people are not fully aware of the passage of time and the repetitious and contradictory nature of the messages they are fed. The closest analogy I can think of is the long running soap opera. Have you ever had one of those odd moments of clarity when you realise, hang on, hasn’t this all happened before. Isn’t this the third time Mandy has dated a psychopath putting the lives of her children in danger? Hasn’t Arthur already been married and divorced to Jean at least five times already? It’s a test of just how far you can stretch credulity with the aid of a little time. At these times you may have a sudden shock of realisation, but your mind naturally persuades you that it’ll be alright and you nod off back into the coma of acceptance. It’s the same old pap and our sense of taste has been dulled so much that we rarely get a taste for what really actually ‘tasted’ of anything at all.

The subtext to all messages delivered to the people by the government is “Rome wasn’t built in a day” with the unfortunate sub-subtext to that being “We’re not even building Rome”. The status-quo is the most important thing that needs protection. The illusion must be maintained. Although we, the people, may balk at that, ultimately, we agree! People don’t like change. When Obama swept to power on a ‘Change’ ticket, no-one actually believed he was going to change anything. Don’t kid yourselves. What we really thought, and I am an Obama man, was that “no shit is gonna change, but he’s going to make the lack of change much more palatable”. We lie to ourselves.

Is their a better system out there? I have no sympathy for anarchists. Show me an anarchist and I’ll shoot him in the head. “How’s that for Anarchy in the UK?” Not so keen on that are we? Communism has failed, unless the Chinese have a trick up their sleeve. Capitalism still lives, as long as you can believe that you are not going to be one of those left behind as the rich get richer. My only hope is that the poor don’t get left so far behind they lose their grip on the shoe leather of the rich. You’ve got to have enough of a hold to drag them down to your level. We have the numbers. We’re not lost yet. Fascism is always attractive. I’m not saying I don’t want a tall Aryan women telling me what to do and punishing me if I don’t obey, but what if I forget the safe word? What then?

My Dad lived most of his life with a roll of bank notes in his back pocket. As I draw closer to the big five-oh the more I think that that is not a bad system for the only true financial security I’ll ever likely know. I’ve been swindled by the banks and the mortgage lenders. I have been taken in by their bare faced lies and I’m not alone. The last man to sell me insurance of any sort drove off in a Porche. I never saw him again! I could almost feel the beginnings of the longest donkey ears poking out either side of my head as he sped away. As the bank teller says “Is there anything else I can help you with Mr Perridge?” I think “You’re trying to kill me with a smile on your face”. Being a bank robber never looked so attractive. My point is though, that I’m not alone. There are millions like me. Millions worse off. And yet the revolution hasn’t come. We’ve collectively rolled over.

Political systems and financial institutions. They may not have failed completely in themselves, but they sure have failed me. At least I’ve found a use for all those elastic bands I’ve absent-mindedly saved and stolen over the years. They hold my roll of notes together neatly in my back pocket.

C’MON TEAM GB

Er … that’s Great Britain. Sadly not Gordon Brown.

I like Gordo (that’s a humanising trick – calling him Gordo) and I wish more people liked him. His problem is that’s he’s a relatively honest, ordinary bloke who wants to do what is best for the country. I don’t doubt that for a minute. He didn’t take us into Tony’s war and he has an opportunity to take us out. OK so that’s a bigger subject, but pushing that rudely to one side he IS at least a fantastic bean counter. And a Scot. How can I say that (about the beans not the Scottishness) like it’s a good thing, mired in debt and virtually jobless myself? Well, I still haven’t come down off the glow of the previous 10 years or so when he was Chancellor.

Things were very good back then and I can still make a bean or two myself now. Just. Nobody expected it to last forever but I guess no one was expecting the neck snapping sudden halt either. To say something should have been done earlier is easy. You could say that about almost every problem as it happens but the Government is forced into being reactive by lack of money. Lack of our money. We should all pay higher taxes and DEMAND the services and forward thinking in order to reap the benefits. Communism I hear you cry! Well of the two worst case scenarios, fascism and communism, I’ll take the latter every time. I know. It’s a choice between being shot or strangled. Our problem is one of trust isn’t it? We’ll give them the money and we’ll never see it again. I know how you feel. It’s a rock and a hard place.

You still think you’ll see a pension, or a free NHS in ten or twenty years. They’ll be gone. And you’ll be wondering where they went. Some of you might be in a worse situation of course. You’ll be Americans. Well, then you’re already totally screwed and I can’t help you.

Anyhow, my sympathy for the moment lies with Gordo. He’s just not capable of being user friendly, spin easy, or glib. Nobody can forget his smile – most wish they could. It was like seeing The Joker running the country. Not an ideal image to bring to mind. And therein lies the problem for the people. Do we want someone fit for the job, or someone who looks fit for the job. Cameron still looks the worse bet to me. Osbourne for Chancellor worse still. Chinless wonders. But that’s the way it’s sliding. Sometimes I feel like Gordo looks. Are the people even worth saving?

SHILL BUSINESS

Of course you know how Zuda promotes an interest in how online communities work, so I thought I’d just leave a link to this magazine article on Shill Reviewing which I found on the BBC website. If I like to read it then can I safely assume my readers might like it too?

BNP WINS EURO SEAT

Below is part of the latest report from the BBC newsite:

——————————————————————–

The BNP has won its first MEP in what is shaping up to be an historic defeat for Labour in the European elections.

Health Secretary Andy Burnham said the BNP win was a “sad moment”. The BNP candidate said it was the “first goose-step to freedom” from EU “dictatorship”.

——————————————————————–

A journalistic collage I call it. Can you guess which word was inserted by me and not in the original BBC report? Hehe

QUICK FAVOUR NEEDED

If anyone (preferably an American) has a political system we could borrow over here in the UK, well I’d be grateful for one. I think we’d all be grateful. The Government has lost control, nobody has any money, everyone is in debt up to the eyeballs, I’m virtually unemployed, and people are making merry with the Nazi uniforms again, so I’d say we’re in dire need over here in the good old country. Well, alright, the old country.

Of course you’re not making us feel any better by not inviting Liz to the D-Day commemorative services. We all know World War II didn’t start until December 7, 1941 led by Major Ben Afleck, and even then didn’t really get going until Colonel Tom Hanks invaded France. That’s still no reason to disrespect a well spoken, mild mannered and rather well-orf old lady. Disrespect! What am I talking about? It’s not like your first lady hasn’t virtually wrestled her to the ground already! We’re not very touchy feely over here that’s all. Anyhow, like I say, an emergency donation of a workable, preferably liberal, left of centre, political system would be gratefully accepted at any time within the next twenty four hours or before the next ministerial resignation whichever is sooner. Please send in plain paper to an elected official, No. 10, Downing Street, London, near Brussels, LW1.

Apparently Mel Brooks’ musical The Producers is playing in Germany at the moment. It IS funny, but no one is laughing. It’s at times like this I wish we were better armed (personally armed I mean) as there’s only one thing really worth fighting and that’s a fascist! Onto the streets lads! It’s a return to the good old days. Last one to punch a Nazi buys the drinks! Hooray!

(If only it wasn’t so bloody hard to tell!)

HOW TO GET THE MOST BANG FOR YOUR BUCK

As a competitor or perhaps as a potential competitor on Zuda one thing you might be struggling with is how to fit your story into such a small space. You only get eight screens to tell your story. Or at least the first part of it. If you lose that’s probably the only part anyone will ever see. Part of the answer lies in compressing the story and compression is just not something the American audience or American creators will be as used to as we are here in the United Kingdom. You are used to thirty pages or more (although it’s more like twenty now I think) while we are well used to getting our stories in bite sized chunks. Eight pages to us seems a luxury since many of our greatest strips only ever needed two! Now obviously you’ll say that two pages equals four Zuda screens and maybe I’ll accept that for the sake of argument and that four pages equals eight screens. Maybe so. That still leaves me with my British sensibilities thinking – what are you gassing about? It’s still plenty of space.

Bear with me on this point though. When you are asked to write a synopsis for entry into Zuda, you are not being asked to cut things out of your story. You are only being asked to set them aside, so that you are left with the very essential elements needed to explain, not the subtlety, but the basic facts. The set-up. Take a look at the following pages. These are small scans and you can’t read all the text, but you can see the set-up, the amount of action and incident, and I’ll bet you can even fill in most of the story just by looking at the pictures.

Our hero, our villain, their motivations, the exciting backdrop and the force of nature that is out to destroy them both. In the text boxes we even get some of the shark’s motivation – kinda. Four pages equals eight screens. What – you don’t want life and death struggles between desperate men, a bloodthirsty shark, on an oil rig about to blow? There’s something wrong with you. I know times and tastes change and this is nothing but a Jaws rip-off. But what a rip off it was. No body was reading anything else but this in 1976. Thirty six issues of pure excitement until we had our own little witch-hunt and 2000AD was born along with Judge Dredd. Without Action and Hookjaw it might not have happened at all.

My favourite scene in Hookjaw, by the way, is the one where the plane ditches in the sea after hitting the oil rig and the stewardess goes to check on the pilot only to find Hookjaw with his head in the cockpit having bitten the captain’s head off! Comic gold. They don’t make ‘em like that any more. And the indirect follow up to this appeared in 2000AD called FLESH! It was cowboys from the future vs dinosaurs. Show me me the boy who doesn’t want to read that!

You’ll say this is a dumb empty story – just macho posturing and violence. Canned stupidity. I say it’s comicbook Hemmingway. Live first – apply subtlety later if at all. That’s my theory. I don’t suppose anyone will listen to the ramblings of this madman any time soon, but compression. Try it. Boil your story down to what has to happen and then go back and see if there’s any room for flourishes and subtleties.

I’m not being entirely serious you’ll guess, but it’s a reaction against the current trend of comicbook slow-motion. “I must show my character’s head as it turns” even though no one gives a shit! I’m tired of seeing every step of a walk down a hallway. I want shark eats fisherman. Shark eats diver. Diver blows up. Protagonists fight. Helicopter fights shark. Shark fights other sharks. End. And you might notice too that although it’s all mindless violence there’s still plenty of words to read. Words. Pictures. PACE. Ah COMICS! You see what I’m saying.

And if you’re crazy enough to want to see these pages full size. Just let me know via email and I’ll send ‘em over.